.only the dead are smiling.

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 14:31:58 GMT

its been awhile- this journal is going to be kept only
to comment and read your journals.

its been fun.

</3.

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 01:49:33 GMT

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally
retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an
abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the answer
for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only
your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three leading candidates.

Candidate A -

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologists.
He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and
drinks 8 to 10 martinis
a day.

Candidate B -

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until
noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your Choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the
answer.

Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C: is Adolf Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion
question: If you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think
before judging someone.

Remember:

Amateurs built the Ark

Professionals built the Titanic

and in case you never saw this one......

Can you imagine working for a company that has a
little more than 500
employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at
least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the
last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group of
idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the
rest of us in line.

Post this in your L.J,

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 00:06:11 GMT

haha.

oh daddy.

do not underestimate me.

I DID NOT CRUMBLE.

welcome back from hawaii, girls. :-*

Sun, 30 May 2004 20:03:46 GMT

holler! i spent the past 2 days wit
r8cho, so..im chillin and happy.

+ yesterday was tight, thanks again to
joyce who took me for bloodtests and didnt
mind my non-makeup face! haha.
we went to joyces later that night..met
some interesting FOLK.

IM OUTTA CIGS! YUCK! I WANT SOME.

and idk if im going to bobby's tonight
cause sarah is tired....

ok im out.

Wed, 26 May 2004 06:50:37 GMT

everything is dead.

or changed.

um, i wanna have sex NOW.

im fucking horny, i need to get LAID.
seriously, its been like..almost a month.
maybe. no, not quit, 3 weeks? STILL.

tight, family guy is on, i want water,
wont go out to the cocina to get some.

yuch.

Mon, 24 May 2004 23:43:28 GMT

haha well i'm never out of my house, but,
from recent drama, i am neutral.

no side taking here.

okok people, opinion:

DO YOU THINK THAT WHEN SOMEONE DIES, THEIR
SPIRIT CAN COME BACK AND GET REVENGE ON,
OR HURT HUMANS?

answer that shit.

thanks.

Sat, 22 May 2004 17:04:05 GMT

i just slept for 18 hours straight.
so good!

umm...battle of the bands is today.

im only going to see jon yu, cause he's
the best.

after the laundry is done im gonna go get
some coffee. much needed.

uh, i can't think of anything to say.
so, im out.

Fri, 21 May 2004 07:28:55 GMT

i love having good conversations with people.

seriously, it just gives me that extra
boost so i know everything is okay.

sarah + d.d = good conversations tonight,
and when psalm came over it was just
chill and nice.

:)

im content. can't sleep.
can't find much to bitch about but
the usual, and its pretty much written
in code anyway, so HAHA. suckers.

i put new french-manicure fake nails
on today..they look like i fuckin'
paid 25 dollars to get them done like
everyone else, and i got em' from
target for 3 bucks. beat that shit, bitches.
haha, i had them off for like.. a few
hours and i missed them.

haha um..time to finish helping
boo write her paper on nuclear warfare.

im out.

STRENGTH IS TO IGNORE.

Thu, 20 May 2004 03:37:03 GMT

these things just...happen.

no way around the things that happen
in life. none. the only thing that you
can control is you. and from everything
i've seen, YOU is rather hard to control
anymore.

i know i've provoked a lot of shit, lied,
deceived, fucked up, cheated, ..done some
pretty damn fucked up things, and a lot
of the shit i go through i ask for, because
i pull shit on people and it all comes
back in my face. understandable. i'm
extremely blunt, and if im gonna do or
say something, i'll do it. fuck the
consequences. but some of the things i
go thru, i try and think what i did
to get karma that bad.

oh, wait. now i remember.

i deserve every damn thing i put up with,
go through, deal with, counter, fight.
anything that fuckin blows up in my face,
i deserve.

but some of these fuckers, i swear on my
life i'll re-arrange their face with
fuckin hedge clippers and shove a dick
so far up their ass their nose will bleed.

just a warning.
:never, and i mean NEVER fuck with family.
:never, and i mean FUCKING NEVER, mess
with my friends.
:and, need i say more. never fuck with me.

MESS WITH THE BEST, YOU DIE LIKE THE REST.

word up, niggers.

Wed, 19 May 2004 03:56:18 GMT

IM GETTING FUCKING FAT. I HATE FAT.
FUCK FAT.

haha, blood stained knuckles today. i
punched a hole in my door, and they bled
for awhile..it was so rad, and i felt like
a damn new person after. uncle jim said
he's gonna tell my dad though, because
he thinks that something is "wrong."

haha, fucking douches. when is something
NOT? come on now. just get over it.

i have.

hahaha katie tried to rail my lithium
today..she did half a line and her nose
bled. CRAZY BITCH. but i love her.

BDM was tonight. im missing that fuckin
shit AS WE SPEAK. how sad.

Sun, 16 May 2004 20:00:54 GMT

i'm sorry, but alcohol has straight up
FUCKED UP my loved ones and i am damn
fucking sick of it.

YOU DRINK, YOU FUCKING PAY THE PRICE.

dont you EVER fucking ask for my sympathy.
im tired of giving it to people who fucking
torture themselves and do this to themselves.
some of you, repetitively.

THIS GOES FOR EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU.

"stupid ass liquid, screwing everyone up"
-PSALM

i know, i know. live and let live.
thats why im not telling you NOT to drink.
im saying to complain to me about it. or
tell me about ure fucking stories and
expect a pity party. cause i ain't throwin
it.

FUCK ALCOHOL, AND FUCK YOU.</verdana>

Sun, 16 May 2004 07:55:39 GMT

well. tonight was eventful.

good thing i decided to be sober from now
on, because my dear R8cho drank way too
fuckin much, got lost, and wound up in the
hospital.

everyone was worried sick, and me and dylan
and mambo stayed at the hospital until
phil and margie got there. but i know that
she will be fine. she was sleeping when
we left. she got shitfaced, and she will
be fine.

it may seem like i didn't care, but i did.
a lot. and dylan said that just by being
there it meant i did.

sorry i didn't cry.

i dont really cry anymore. not for hardly
anything.

dylan is tight. i like that kid. he's
fucking awesome. fuck you niggers who
dont agree.

haha, for once i left my house. it
was an omen! haha.

the end.

special thanks to joyce and mambo for
carpooling our asses all over the fucking
place.

Sun, 16 May 2004 03:07:38 GMT

"22 years of pain
And I can feel it closing in
The will torise above
Tearing my inside out

I feel my soul go cold
Only the dead are smiling.."

-at the gates.

i wonder where damion is?? :-/ i miss
that kid.

Sun, 16 May 2004 00:40:32 GMT

went to the city today.
got some cute shit.

cyanide crew better fucking come tonight.

i ate too much today.
im becoming a fat pig.

me and my mom are on hellof good terms.
cool.

so uhm. i really want some drugs.
no one to get them from. i dont need them
though. i just WANT them.

"you've always had a tampon hanging halfway
out your ass you fuckin' motherless cunt."
-agoraphobic nosebleed.
HAHAHA these guys are fucking crazy.

Thu, 13 May 2004 04:07:34 GMT

i maybe want to join the military.
food for thought. it has been for years.
literally.

.

my heart is in my throat and i want
to fucking PUKE. i feel sick and its
fuckin gross. i hate it.

note: i did NOT mean that in an emo
"omg my shredded heart is making me
sick." kindof way. i meant that in a
very literal way.

but, who gives a fuck if im sick anyway.

i don't, so whatever.

hahaha life is such a joke. i love it.

MIND OVER MATTER. that's my new outlook
on life. mental stability is fucking
hard, but i can do it. i've made it this
far, so i can keep going. maybe.

<3. and </3. p.s, jenna im sorry about chris..:( things will turn out. do not worry.

Tue, 11 May 2004 03:58:31 GMT

i bitch and complain in this thing
so much.

but if you have a problem with it,

DROP DEAD .

that's that.

um, i feel sick.
i just took a shower, those always
make me feel good.
psalm worked today, and we picked her up.
she's so cute, behind the counter. :)

dad's leaving me alone with the drill
sergeant for 10 DAYS. oh my god.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO.

i was thinking about it. actually i have
for awhile. my dad and i had a LONG
conversation today about me and drugs,
me and my BPD, me and julie..just
everything. he said, "what do you want to
do for ure birthday?" and i said "take me
to a shooting range, i wanna shoot." and
that of course branched into "YOUR DOCTORS
SAID NO GUNS STEFI." fine, whatever, but
if any of you fuckers knew HALF the shit
thats been going on with me, and you all
see how good i am about not fuckin
dropping outtof school, or falling into
another deep depression, or just fucking
keeping a smile on my face, YOUD JUST
LET ME GO. you wouldn't monitor my ass
like i'm gonna fucking kill myself.

I'LL REARRANGE YOUR FUCKING FACE WITH
A FUCKING CAN OPENER IF YOU FUCK WITH ME.
:)

thats the longest entry i've done in awhile.
IM DONE.

goodnight.

<3, me.

p.s.- d.d love, get better. i love you. love,
your wife.

Mon, 10 May 2004 02:23:40 GMT

i just found 7 pictures of buff,
and one of me and uncle bud.

i miss buffy a lot.

and uncle bud.. i dont know. i never
REALLY knew him. its just weird to think
that he died with a letter from me in
his hand.

fuck dying.

fuck it.

::front:: .

wow.

Sun, 09 May 2004 22:26:55 GMT

up for being a bitch.?
(i know jessie is <3)

i think its marvelous.

and it works oh-so well.

who gives a fuck anyway?

not i.

neither should you.

"at this point, caring is for
pussies."

i do care about some things, but that
boy is correct to a certain extent.

Sat, 08 May 2004 17:11:53 GMT

Mycliqueistight [10:03 AM]: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

that's tight.

last night we hung out with joyce and
the girls and carissa and matt spady (sp?) and a
tight long haired kid..but i forgot his
name. it was chill and rad.

then aldrich and i hung out till like..2:30 am.
we had some serious bonding. i love that boy!

HAPPY FUCKING
BIRTHDAY, RACHEL. MY BEAUTIFUL,
CO-D BEST FRIEND. I LOVE YOU.</verdana>

Sat, 08 May 2004 01:29:14 GMT

wow.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
wow.

X: r8ch's 16th is tomorrow, fuckers.
X: jonno comes tomorrow.

FUCK BEING FAT I HATE IT AND WANT IT
TO DIE.

</3.

Fri, 07 May 2004 02:24:03 GMT

people are fucking annoying when
they ask whats wrong and you tell them
and they fucking try and explain to you
what to do and what not to do and why.

I AM WELL AWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF
THE THINGS I DO, SO FUCK YOU.

live, and let live.

fuckers.

Wed, 05 May 2004 05:35:30 GMT

i hate having doubts.

especially about loved ones.

Wed, 05 May 2004 02:39:16 GMT

gehenna = whew.
thanks to mary for the recommendation <3

I LOVE YOU IZZY. LETS HAVE SEX
AND DROWN OUR SORROWS. im down
for that shit.

looks like i am NOT in death and glory
after all, and will be playing as a
special guest on their cd. works for me.

im getting fatter by the fucking day,
and i don't fucking like it.
:-P

gross. jenna took my art today to analyze
for school. sick shit.

so um. fuck shit.

<3.

Mon, 03 May 2004 22:36:30 GMT

eh, i feel like shit.

jon yu is tight.

keyboard? maybe. we'll see.

i need something new. im not sure
what. i don't know. i'm not gonna
complain. fuck it.

Mon, 03 May 2004 05:48:13 GMT

BLINDEDxBYxFEARx [10:44 PM]: stefi i fucking love you... you fell down my stairs like 9 times

hahaha i love my friends.